Thu 18 May 2023
Posted by PJ under food, gods, quote of the day
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Random quote of the day:
“Man becomes the food of the divinity he worships.
—Hindu proverb
Disclaimer: The views expressed in this random quote of the day do not necessarily reflect the views of the poster, her immediate family, Bert and Ernie, Celine Dion, or the Band of the Coldstream Guards. They do, however, sometimes reflect the views of the Cottingley Fairies.
Wed 17 May 2023
Posted by PJ under quote of the day, the present
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Random quote of the day:
“Even when we’re finally where we want to be—with the person we love, with the things we struggled for—our eyes are still on the horizon. They’re still on where to go next, what to do next, what we want the person we love to do and be. If we just stay where we are in the present moment, seeing what we’re seeing and hearing what we’re hearing and forgetting everything else, we feel we’re about to die; and our mind tortures us until we think of something else to live for. We have to keep finding a way away from where we are, into what we imagine is the future.
—Peter Kingsley, In the Dark Places of Wisdom
Disclaimer: The views expressed in this random quote of the day do not necessarily reflect the views of the poster, her immediate family, Bert and Ernie, Celine Dion, or the Band of the Coldstream Guards. They do, however, sometimes reflect the views of the Cottingley Fairies.
Tue 16 May 2023
Posted by PJ under art, poetry, quote of the day
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Random quote of the day:
“Poetry surrounds us everywhere, but putting it on paper is, alas, not so easy as looking at it.”
—Vincent Van Gogh, letter to Theo Van Gogh, March 18, 1883
Disclaimer: The views expressed in this random quote of the day do not necessarily reflect the views of the poster, her immediate family, Bert and Ernie, Celine Dion, or the Band of the Coldstream Guards. They do, however, sometimes reflect the views of the Cottingley Fairies.
Tue 9 May 2023
Posted by PJ under me too, sexual assault, trauma
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I perhaps did a foolish thing today. I posted a shortened version of this thread on Twitter, not known for its tolerance. But i couldn’t contain myself any longer. The E. Jean Carroll trial has been kicking up a lot of stuff in me for weeks. I was also sexually assaulted.
So many of the things thrown in the face of Ms. Carroll as inconsistent about her testimony could have been thrown in my face. Sexual assault is such a fundamental trauma that it messes with your head. This is true of any trauma. Survivors often have difficulty remembering details or remember in nonlinear fashion. Defense attorneys know this and use it to get Old Boys (and young) out of rape charges.
* I can’t tell you the exact date of my assault.
* I didn’t scream.
* We were alone in the house together–his word against mine.
* I was made to believe it was my fault and that I got what I deserved.
* I didn’t tell anyone FOR 30 YEARS.
Trauma is not logical. It isn’t clean and precise. It’s often buried deep and never brought to light except in “acting out” or self-abuse. It can lie dormant for a very long time. Until, if you’re lucky, the festering gets to be too much and it finally bursts forth. Then, if you’re luckier, you can see it for what it truly is, own it, and do something about it.
Some trauma victims never get there. Some continue to blame themselves. I am grateful that I was able to shine a light on my deep buried shame and, with help and therapy, realize that it wasn’t my shame at all.
I thought long and hard about sharing this publicly. My talking about it could draw negative attention (although I’m not important). AND NO ONE IS OBLIGED TO TALK PUBLICLY ABOUT THEIR TRAUMA. But for me not talking about it was increasingly giving me that same feeling of buried shame.
And I am way the f*ck done with that. My hope is that talking about this helps someone.
How do I feel about it now that I’ve publicly disclosed? Momentarily clean. Lightened. It won’t last. I was a 13 year old girl, easily manipulated and always ready to believe that I was guilty of something. That 13 year old is still alive inside of me. She always will be–and I’m actually glad and grateful for that because she brings me many things beyond her trauma. Good things. But at least now I can turn to her when she’s hurting, give her a hug and tell her she was guilty of nothing besides misplaced trust. Sometimes she even believes me.
Mon 8 May 2023
Posted by PJ under quote of the day, truth
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Random quote of the day:
“I feel safe in the midst of my enemies, for the truth is all powerful and will prevail.”
—Sojourner Truth, Narrative of Sojourner Truth, A Northern Slave, Emancipated From Bodily Servitude by the State of New York, in 1828
Disclaimer: The views expressed in this random quote of the day do not necessarily reflect the views of the poster, her immediate family, Bert and Ernie, Celine Dion, or the Band of the Coldstream Guards. They do, however, sometimes reflect the views of the Cottingley Fairies.
Tue 2 May 2023
Posted by PJ under cleaning, death, hoarding, memories, what the living do
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If you’ve ever had to clean out someone’s home, particularly an old person, you will encounter many strange things that have you wondering why that person hoarded what they did. I had a friend who cleaned out her mother’s house after she died and found cupboard after cupboard crammed with plastic bags, far more than any human being could possibly use in a lifetime. But, you see, that mother grew up in the Depression where you Just Did Not Waste Anything that might possibly, remotely be useful somewhere down the line. Once she’d started collecting those bags, I’d wager, she just kept saving them because that was What She Did. She may not even have remembered herself what her original motivation was, she just kept doing it, even after the stashing of them became somewhat oppressive.
Some things are a little less daffy than cupboards filled with plastic bags, but still make no sense to those tasked with the massive and exhausting clean up.
I had a Rosebud moment yesterday morning. Those of you who are classic film fans may get that reference but if you haven’t seen Citizen Kane I won’t spoil it by explaining. My personal moment came when I looked into the room where I’ve stored a lot of stuff and saw a broken three-legged stool.
When they come to clean out my house when I’m dead or in a home somewhere they will look at that stool and say, “Why the hell did she hold on to this?” Or maybe not. There will be a lot of those moments when they clean out my house so by the time they get to that stool they may be too exhausted to care and just chuck it onto the bonfire.
But, you see, I couldn’t throw that stool away. I used to sit on it when I was small while I listened to my father tell stories. He was a great storyteller. Some of this tales about his personal adventures were even true. It didn’t matter if they were literally true or only emotionally true. They were good stories and I loved listening to them.
So that stool stays and becomes just another piece of mysterious bric-a-brac from an old person’s life to be wondered at and tossed away. It is a thing of memory, mine and no one else’s, and I can’t possibly hope they will understand or care when I am gone. Memory makes things precious beyond all thought of logic.
I have, however, tried to strip my house free of most of those saved plastic bags. (But I’ll bet there’s a stash of them hiding somewhere that even I don’t know about.)
Tue 2 May 2023
Posted by PJ under flowers, laughter, mother earth, quote of the day
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Random quote of the day:
“Earth laughs in flowers, to see her boastful boys
Earth-proud, proud of the earth which is not theirs;
Who steer the plough, but cannot steer their feet
Clear of the grave.
—Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Hamatreya”
Disclaimer: The views expressed in this random quote of the day do not necessarily reflect the views of the poster, her immediate family, Bert and Ernie, Celine Dion, or the Band of the Coldstream Guards. They do, however, sometimes reflect the views of the Cottingley Fairies.
Mon 1 May 2023
Posted by PJ under perfection, quote of the day
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Random quote of the day:
“If the world were perfect, it wouldn’t be.”
—Yogi Berra, When You Come to a Fork in the Road, Take It! (with Dave Kaplan)
Disclaimer: The views expressed in this random quote of the day do not necessarily reflect the views of the poster, her immediate family, Bert and Ernie, Celine Dion, or the Band of the Coldstream Guards. They do, however, sometimes reflect the views of the Cottingley Fairies.
Thu 27 Apr 2023
Posted by PJ under materialism, quote of the day, simplicity, trust
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Random quote of the day:
“I see what happens when one gets very attached to material things. That’s just not what my life is. That’s not what I love and that’s not what makes me feel good. What makes me feel good are the simple things in life, like somebody I can really talk to, when I’m not concerned about whether they are going to betray me. My life is rich because I have those kinds of people in my life.”
—Alicia Keys, Ebony, January 2004
Disclaimer: The views expressed in this random quote of the day do not necessarily reflect the views of the poster, her immediate family, Bert and Ernie, Celine Dion, or the Band of the Coldstream Guards. They do, however, sometimes reflect the views of the Cottingley Fairies.
Tue 25 Apr 2023
Posted by PJ under grief, kindness, knowing, lost and found, quote of the day
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Random quote of the day:
“We are as forlorn as children lost in the woods. When you stand in front of me and look at me, what do you know of the griefs that are in me and what do I know of yours? And if I were to cast myself down before you and weep and tell you, what more would you know about me than you know about Hell when someone tells you it is hot and dreadful? For that reason alone we human beings ought to stand before one another as reverently, as reflectively, as lovingly, as we would before the entrance to Hell.
—Franz Kafka, Letter to Oskar Pollak, November 8, 1903
Disclaimer: The views expressed in this random quote of the day do not necessarily reflect the views of the poster, her immediate family, Bert and Ernie, Celine Dion, or the Band of the Coldstream Guards. They do, however, sometimes reflect the views of the Cottingley Fairies.
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