growing up


Random quote of the day:

“Undergraduate consciousness rests in part on a set of careless assumptions about being immortal. The elitism and cruelty often found in college humor arises from this belief in one’s own Exemption, not only from time and death, but somehow from the demands of life as well.”

—Thomas Pynchon, Introduction, 1983 ed. of Richard Fariña’s Been Down So Long It Looks Like Up To Me

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this random quote of the day do not necessarily reflect the views of the poster, her immediate family, Lucy and Ethel, Justin Bieber, or the Kardashian Klan. They do, however, sometimes reflect the views of the Cottingley Fairies.

Random quote of the day:

“You do not chop off a section of your imaginative substance and make a book specifically for children, for—if you are honest—you have no idea where childhood ends and maturity begins. It is all endless and all one.”

—P. L. Travers, quoted in Sticks and Stones by Jack Zipes

 childhood4WP@@@

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this random quote of the day do not necessarily reflect the views of the poster, her immediate family, Siegfried and Roy, Leonard Maltin, or the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. They do, however, sometimes reflect the views of the Cottingley Fairies.

 

Random quote of the day:

“Genius is only childhood recovered at will, childhood now gifted to express itself with the faculties of manhood and with the analytic mind that allows him to give order to the heap of unwittingly hoarded material.”

—Charles Baudelaire, The Painter of Modern Life

genius4WP@@@

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this random quote of the day do not necessarily reflect the views of the poster, her immediate family, Siegfried and Roy, Leonard Maltin, or the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. They do, however, sometimes reflect the views of the Cottingley Fairies.

Random quote of the day:

“You kind of evolve into your voice. Or maybe your voice is out there, waiting for you to grow up.”

—Tom Waits, interview, National Public Radio, March 1, 2011

voice4WP@@@

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this random quote of the day do not necessarily reflect the views of the poster, her immediate family, Siegfried and Roy, Leonard Maltin, or the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. They do, however, sometimes reflect the views of the Cottingley Fairies.

Random quote of the day:

“To be ignorant of what occurred before you were born is to remain always a child.”

—Cicero, M. Tulli Ciceronis Ad M. Brutum Orator

 child4WP@@@

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this random quote of the day do not necessarily reflect the views of the poster, her immediate family, Siegfried and Roy, Leonard Maltin, or the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. They do, however, sometimes reflect the views of the Cottingley Fairies.

Random quote of the day:

“The main thing now is not to paint precociously but to be, or at least become, an individual. The art of mastering life is the prerequisite for all further forms of expression, whether they are paintings, sculptures, tragedies, or musical compositions.”

—Paul Klee, diary entry, June 3, 1902

 mastery4WP@@@

Disclaimer:  The views expressed in this random quote of the day do not necessarily reflect the views of the poster, her immediate family, Siegfried and Roy, Leonard Maltin, or the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. They do, however, sometimes reflect the views of the Cottingley Fairies.

 

Random quote of the day:

“Old and young are more alike than grown-up. Grown-up is a different planet.”

—Patricia A. McKillip, Solstice Wood

 oldyoung4WP@@@

 

Disclaimer:  The views expressed in this random quote of the day do not necessarily reflect the views of the poster, her immediate family, Siegfried and Roy, Leonard Maltin, or the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. They do, however, sometimes reflect the views of the Cottingley Fairies.

 

Random quote of the day: 

“Young people hate grown-ups for many reasons. One of the reasons is that they feel grown-ups’ minds are fixed and limited. Whenever they meet a man or woman who does not always say what they expect, who tells them novel stories about strange aspects of the world, who throws unexpected lights on what they sadly know as ordinary dull life, who seems as completely alive, sensitive, energetic, and zestful as they themselves, they usually admire him or her.”

—Gilbert Highet, The Art of Teaching

 kids4WP@@@

 

Disclaimer:  The views expressed in this random quote of the day do not necessarily reflect the views of the poster, her immediate family, Siegfried and Roy, Leonard Maltin, or the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. They do, however, sometimes reflect the views of the Cottingley Fairies.

 

Feb 15
And then there’s my shredded Achilles tendon…People grimace when they see me limping down the hall.

Feb 15
“Seek simplicity and distrust it.” —Alfred North Whitehead said. Simplicity is sounding real good right about now. Mom’s escalating pain issues have led to a rush MRI this afternoon, maybe a bone scan.

Feb 15
New favorite indie bookstore name: Libros Schmibros

Feb 16
Back in the ER with Mom. I think I’ll start bonking my head now.

Feb 16
They admitted her. Not life threatening, I don’t think.

Feb 17
Is life anything more than a series of disappointed hopes?

Feb 17
I turn on the TV to distract myself and the first thing I hear is Sally Kirkland saying, “She died at 97.” The opening to Paper Hearts.


Feb 18
Medicare not seizing our asset vibes would be nice, too. I’d rather not be homeless.

(Note: I got this wrong. It’s MediCal/Medicaid that seizes your assets.)

Feb 19
Mom is going back to the rehab today, perhaps permanently. They finally found that her terrible pain is from severe spinal stenosis. They may try to do an epidural nerve block if nothing else helps. Her spirit is good, her fighting spirit undiminished, so we’ll see how things go.

Feb 21
I’ve been sitting here all afternoon saying “Oh my God” over and over to myself. Rollercoasters suck.

(Note: I learned that my house might be protected after all.)

Feb 24
It may be a measure of my worry that I was seriously listening to Joel Osteen this morning. Not any crazier than my previous money making scheme: buying Lotto tickets. Both Lotto and Osteen require unfettered faith, something I sometimes have in microbursts.

Feb 25
No matter how bad it gets, my life is not as bad as Fantine’s…or millions of other people around the world. Everything is relative.

Feb 28
Heard Jimmy Cliff driving to work so “The harder they come, the harder they fall, one and all” is the theme of the day.

Feb 28
There’s a difference between taking off your shirt while running to show off your manly chestal pulchritude and taking off your shirt while running and having manly chestal pulchritude. We can tell the difference, guys. And not just cynical old broads like me.

Mar 1
I am so tired of grown up stuff.  Can I run away now?

Mar 2
At home nursing a strained back. Life is good.

Mar 2
Why is it in movies and on TV when a scientist sees something unbelievable he removes his glasses? It’s become a total visual cliché.

Mar 3
The strain has progressed to spasms. I’m at urgent care.

Mar 3
Back still very unhappy and so am I. Two muscle relaxers at least make things bearable.

Mar 4
Back doing better but I’m still spending the day with my heating pad and my drugs. What part of driving with a strained back is not good did I not get? Pass more muscle relaxers.

Mar 5
I’m beginning to think the main job requirement for weather “girls” is “Must wear at least a C cup and adore tight clothing.”

I’m definitely watching too much TV since the back injury.

5 Mar
OMG the political phone calls the last week!  Once or twice an hour sometimes on two phones and me a couch prisoner! Just got another an hour before the polls close. Argh! Very hotly contested mayoral campaign.

8 Mar
Since hurting my back and unable to reach the floor without pain I’ve turned into a ham-handed bumbler constantly dropping things on the floor.

11 Mar
*sigh* I’m sitting at my desk at work with a pillow and a heating pad tucked behind my still-spasming back.

12 Mar
My new favorite bumper sticker: “What would Scooby do?”

12 Mar
I don’t want to be a grown up anymore. Can I crawl into a hole instead?

13 Mar
White smoke… Bring on the papas and beer.  Always thought it amusing that in Spanish and Italian pope/potatoes are the same, with only the article differentiating. Las papas de El Papa.

13 Mar
The Queen of Clueless Privilege strikes again: http://bit.ly/WnGOex   Yes, Amy F. Grant and Katie F. Couric are also queens of clueless privilege, but Gwyneth Paltrow is the original Clueless F. Queen.

14 Mar
Mom called twice this morning to check the time of her doctor’s appointment and once for me to tell her how to fold boxes from paper. Both equally important.

15 Mar
They found the violin that Wallace Hartley played as the Titanic sank:  http://yhoo.it/10XBK4u 

15 Mar
Some good news yesterday: Mom is responding so well to therapy she won’t need an epidural and may be coming home soon.

Also, my back is slowly getting unstrained. Driving still remains a painful challenge, but I can sit at my desk with only occasional spasms.

With all the drugs I’ve been taking for the back my Achilles tendon isn’t hurting at all anymore.

It turns out being an adult isn’t any of the things I imagined during my prolonged and protracted adolescence. I thought of it as a long, slow slide into boringness and complacency, a death of whimsy and dreaming. Frankly, I declared with pride that I would never grow up.

I never imagined there could ever be anything positive about it, and sometimes it’s No Goddamned Fun At All, but it’s not without it’s satisfactions and honor—and even puckish moments. True, those are often few and far between. Dreams have to be put on hold or parsed into small, bite-sized increments because there isn’t the energy for much else. It means taking those disappointments on the chin because there isn’t room enough to be the hurt child or the mopey kid. Life demands that we do what must be done. Often being an adult means doing the things that nobody wants to do because somebody’s got to do them, and the bottle spins around to empty space after empty space until it reaches you, the only one left. It means that procrastination will have to wait because there’s no time for it, and that hard decisions have to be made because . . . there’s no choice, really.

It also means that you get closer to your authentic self than you’ve ever been, the real grit at the bottom of the barrel. I loved my years of playing, my extenuated puberty. I hope to get back to some form of it someday—although I know that some doors, once passed through, cannot be exited through again. You’re no longer the same person who first crossed the threshold. You might reverse and try to go back the way you came, but the world you step into will not be the one you left. You can’t go home again. I understand that now. The undiscovere’d country, from whose bourn no traveller returns…

I expect that everyone’s pathway to adulthood is different, nuanced in varieties of ways, and some people never make it there no matter how old they get. For some, adulthood is as much an undiscovered country as death. For all of us, it is the eternal way forward, no turning back. The discovery of what it means to be human, what it means to take responsibility for your actions, and . . . for the things and people you love who need you, finally, to be the grown up.

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