Fri 6 Oct 2017
Down Portalville Way – Aliens
Posted by PJ under aliens, folklore, idiots, it's curmudgeon time
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- Let me thread you a story… (1-26)
- Christina Lovejoy, town curmudgeon, takes great pride in her work. She’ll crank out a grumpy face & cynical comment for many occasions,
- but she don’t rightly hold with raining on the parades (or birthdays, weddings, and the like) of common folk.
- She mostly saves her curmudgeonliness for when people in power are acting like jackasses.
- (Although it did come in handy that time the town caught Excessive Jubilance Disease a few years back.)
- “Resistance is not futile,†Christina is fond of saying, often using a mock-robot voice. “Resistance is essential.â€
- Take, for instance, that time President Turps & Vice President Pinche passed through Portalville on their way to an economic summit.
- Secret Service was out in force, of course, & nobody had a problem with that. After all, big men need protecting from public opinion.
- But just the week before Prez Turps declared he would build a great big ol’ wall around our portal to keep out illegal aliens.
- VP Pinche just nodded and gave his lord and master an idiot grin (cuz the man couldn’t find his own rear with both hands) and mumbled
- something about subversion and perversion and conversion. Couldn’t rightly figure what he was driving at but it sounded sinister.
- Thing is, couldn’t none of us remember seeing illegal aliens come through our portal, just the regular grey and Nordic variety,
- plus assorted critters from the Multiverse. But they’s somewhat of this town’s lifeblood, if you know what I mean. They keep us lively,
- and honest, if I’m being honest. Christina saw it just about the same way. She stood in the middle of Route 40 as the motorcade
- came through town. The Secret Service swarmed to clear her out of the way, but she presented them with her grumpiest of grump faces.
- Halted them dead in their tracks, I can tell you. Couldn’t get within ten feet of her. The motorcade had to stop.
- “I mean the president no harm,†she told everyone. “But I AM going to speak my mind.â€
- All the tinted windows in the president’s limo spontaneously rolled down at once so he could hear what Christina had to say.
- “You can try building a wall around our portal,†she said, “but you should know we are a small town surrounded by big power….
- “Really big power, like HUGE, and it would be bad, very bad, and sad, very sad, if you did anything so rash.
- “That kind of power can’t be contained. It ripples out underground, spreading from this town out and beyond,
- “to places you can’t even imagine, like the hearts of good people, to the selfless and the courageous and the compassionate—
- “those things you & that Pinche with you have only heard spoken of & never felt yourselves. You can’t stop feelings, can’t stop ideas.
- “So I suggest you give up on that wall or you’ll be swallowed in an ocean of contempt that will drown you. Big water, big, big water.â€
- Christina stepped out of the road, the president’s windows rolled back up, and the motorcade went on its way.
- But ain’t none of us heard any more nonsense about walling off the portal.
