the onion

As filtered through The Onion, that is.


Thousands Gather For Stuffing Of Giant Rockefeller Center Turkey.

Pain will be yours this week when that Man from Nantucket finally hears all the terrible things you’ve been writing about him.

That Nantucket guy is so unforgiving.

Critics will call your first poetry collection a “stirring work of utmost courage and beauty,” which just goes to show how much mileage that man from Nantucket has.

From The Onion:

“What begins as a Kafkaesque ordeal, will soon turn into an Orwellian nightmare, before unexpectedly becoming a Judy Blume-ish disaster.”