Better Than Dead

From “Why Are We So Afraid of Creativity?” by Maria Konnikova, Scientific American Blogs, February 26, 2012:

“The Implicit Association Test (IAT) is a tool that was created to look for discrepancies between consciously held beliefs (i.e., a belief in racial equality) and unconscious biases (i.e., a faster reaction time when pairing white with positive concepts and black with negative ones than vice versa). The measure can test for implicit bias toward any number of groups (though the most common one tests racial biases) by looking at reaction times for associations between positive and negative attributes and pictures of group representatives. Sometimes, the stereotypical positives are represented by the same key; sometimes, by different ones. Ditto the negatives. And your speed of categorization in each of these circumstances determines your implicit bias. To take the racial example, if you are faster to categorize when “European American” and “good” share a key and “African American” and “bad” share a key, it is taken as evidence of an implicit race bias.

“Over the years, the IAT has shown a prevalence of unconscious biases in areas such as race, gender, sexual orientation, age, mental disease, and disability. Now, it has been expanded to something that had never appeared in need of testing: creativity.

“In a series of studies, participants had to complete the same good-bad category pairing as in the standard IAT, only this time, with two words that expressed an attitude that was either practical (such as functional, constructive, or useful) or creative (novel, inventive, original, etc.). The result: even those people who had explicitly ranked creativity as high on their list of positive attributes showed an implicit bias against it relative to practicality under conditions of uncertainty.”

The books I’m reading (I pick these up and put them down, but all of these are currently inching forward):

1. The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven by Sherman Alexie
2. A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness (the book du jour)
3. Memories, Dreams, Reflections by C. G. Jung
4. Trickster: An Anthropological Memoir by Eileen Kane
5. Legends of the Fire Spirits by Robert W. Lebling
6. Big Sur and the Oranges of Hieronymous Bosch by Henry Miller
7. The Spirit and the Flesh: Sexual Diversity in American Indian Culture by Walter L. Williams
8. When Ghosts Speak: Understanding the World of Earthbound Spirits by Mary Ann Winkowski
9. and my own book Shivery Bones, doing one last bloody read-through.

Books I’m writing: If you count worldbuilding and creative noodling, then I’m writing Carmina and The Numberless Stars.  If you’re talking about actual words getting written, then I ain’t currently writting nothin’.

The book I love the most: Couldn’t possibly choose.  I usually love the one I’m with.

The last book I received as a gift: I made a killing on book gift certificates.  I’ve included all the books I bought this way—not really to brag, but because I wouldn’t want any of these books to have their feelings hurt because I left them off the list.  (I anthropomorphize everything.) (Hi, Lisa!):

1. Caveat Emptor by Ruth Downie
2. Holy Ghosts: Or, How a (Not So) Good Catholic Boy Became a Believer in Things That Go Bump in the Night by Gary Jansen
3. Spooky California: Tales of Hauntings, Strange Happenings, and Other Local Lore by S. E. Schlosser, Paul G. Hoffman (Illustrator)
4. Lover Unleashed by J. R. Ward
5. Death Comes to Pemberley by P.D. James
6. Red-Robed Priestess: A Novel (The Maeve Chronicles) by Elizabeth Cunningham
7. Untie the Strong Woman: Blessed Mother’s Immaculate Love for the Wild Soul by Clarissa Pinkola Estes
8. Meditations with Meister Eckhart by Matthew Fox
9. Tarot for Writers by Corrine Kenner
10. Crow Planet: Essential Wisdom from the Urban Wilderness by Lyanda Lynn Haupt
11. Everyday Tarot by Gail Fairfield

The last book I gave as a gift: The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova.

That Jodi Meadows girl has a book coming out today:

From Amazon:

NEWSOUL
Ana is new. For thousands of years in Range, a million souls have been reincarnated over and over, keeping their memories and experiences from previous lifetimes. When Ana was born, another soul vanished, and no one knows why.
NOSOUL
Even Ana’s own mother thinks she’s a nosoul, an omen of worse things to come, and has kept her away from society. To escape her seclusion and learn whether she’ll be reincarnated, Ana travels to the city of Heart, but its citizens are suspicious and afraid of what her presence means. When dragons and sylph attack the city, is Ana to blame?
HEART
Sam believes Ana’s new soul is good and worthwhile. When he stands up for her, their relationship blooms. But can he love someone who may live only once, and will Ana’s enemies–human and creature alike–let them be together? Ana needs to uncover the mistake that gave her someone else’s life, but will her quest threaten the peace of Heart and destroy the promise of reincarnation for all?
Jodi Meadows expertly weaves soul-deep romance, fantasy, and danger into an extraordinary tale of new life.

It all started when my mother said, “Carol called today. Her kids bought her a Candle.”

Skkkiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrruppppppp! The needle skips backwards across the record.

Actually, it started earlier that morning when I thought, “You know, maybe Mom would be able to read the large type on my Nook.”

Skkkiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrruppppppp!

All right, I confess it actually started much earlier than that when I became intrigued with the Kindle Fire, and before that when I lusted for an iPad—okay! Don’t scratch that record again!

It goes back to September when my mother had a mild stroke which left her reason, speech, and mobility intact but imposed upon her a visual impairment which made reading very, very difficult. Even large type books were hard for her to read, the lines of the text running together and jumping around because her stereoscopic vision has gotten messed up. This is a woman who read voraciously, sometimes a book every day or two. She’s been so lost and forlorn without her books. I suggested audiobooks, but she shot that one down really fast. She doesn’t like audiobooks, she said most definitively.

She can’t drive anymore, either. Time weighs heavy on her. She started making up household projects to fill the time. Sometimes that worked out, sometimes they just got her into trouble and wore her out. I haven’t known what to do for her. Then one day last week while driving to work, the notion of letting her use my Nook popped into my head. And then, as if the Universe had decided to take us in hand and get us pointed in the right direction, my mother’s friend, Carol, called to tell her about this wonderful new “Candle” her children bought her for Christmas and how much she loved reading on it and playing games and being on the web. I couldn’t wait to mention the Nook to Mom, but she couldn’t wait to tell me about the “Candle.”

“It’s actually called a Kindle,” I told her. “It sounds like she has a Kindle Fire.”

“Whatever. It sounds really great.”

“Well, I have a Nook. Would you like to see if you like it?”

“Yes!”

So I pulled out the Nook, ran it through its paces, increased the text to Extra Extra Large and showed it to her. I thought we could make do with this and maybe somewhere down the line get a Kindle Fire.

“I can read this!” Mom said with such a look of wonder on her face. Just about scrambled my heart strings, I tell you. “So what’s the difference between a Nook and a Kindle?”

I’d played with a friend’s Kindle Fire so I could tell her right off the bat it was easier to use than my elderly Nook, and more comprehensive. Not just about reading, but about All Groovy Web Things. I started to do the ol’ compare/contrast thing…and it really didn’t take long before I’d talked myself into buying a Kindle Fire. Forget about waiting. I may have purchased one this weekend. It may be arriving today. I may be giving it to my mother and showing her how to use it.

I called Mom earlier today and she told me she talked to Carol again. “Did you tell her you’re now part of the Kindle club?” I asked.

“Sure did. We’ve set up a Scrabble game for when I learn how to use it.”

I love living in the future. Mom is starting to feel that way again, too.

Okay, so it isn’t released until January 31 and I preordered it. But it was the very first book that fell into my cart in 2012.

You should pick up/download your own copy.

What would a new year be without a (boring) accounting of my reading for the year just passed?

Not surprisingly, my reading took a big hit this year, what with Life Happening and all. I only managed to finish twenty-two books—and I’m actually surprised I read that many. Sometimes it took me an entire month to finish one book. And I’m not talking weighty tomes, either.

Of the books I read, nine were by J. R. Ward. I fell into that cracktastic obsession and kept going. Insane books, really, but I love them. These are big time comfort reads for me. In fact, almost everything I finished this year was a comfort read.

Only seven of the books I finished were from the TBR pile, I’m afraid. I had hoped to alternate new/TBR throughout the year, but it didn’t happen. And only three were ebooks. It looks like I am a hopeless dinosaur. I just don’t enjoy the ebook experience and only indulge when it’s a holiday or late at night and I must start the next J. R. Ward book (et al.) immediately or the book is only available as an ebook. Yes, I understand all the arguments about saving space in my house, etc., but it doesn’t make a dent in my book acquisitiveness. I bought fewer books this year but still managed to buy four times as many as I read. I will probably be one of those old ladies whose mummified remains are found buried beneath a pile of hoarded books. I certainly own enough to build a tomb.

I’ve been reading Sherman Alexie’s wonderful collection of stories, The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven, on and off through the year, as well as some non-fiction, most notably Legends of the Fire Spirits: Jinn and Genies from Arabia to Zanzibar by Robert W. Lebling; some books on early nineteenth-century California and Los Angeles; Jung’s memoir, Memories, Dreams, Reflections; Henry Miller’s memoir, Big Sur and the Oranges of Hieronymus Bosch; and Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes—but I haven’t finished any of them. I pick them up (sometimes for days, sometimes for an hour) and put them down again. I don’t have the sustained concentration they need.

And that’s about it. Here’s the list of finished comfort reads:

1. The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova – new
2. Blood Challenge by Eileen Wilks – new
3. The Monsters of Templeton by Lauren Groff (restart) – TBR
4. River Marked by Patricia Briggs – new
5. Treachery in Death by J. D. Robb – new
6. A Kiss Before the Apocalypse by Thomas E. Sniegoski (ebook) – new
7. Persona Non Grata by Ruth Downie – TBR
8. Soul Song by Marjorie M. Liu – TBR
9. India Black by Carol K. Carr – TBR
10. Dark Lover by J. R. Ward – TBR/new
11. Lover Eternal by J. R. Ward – new
12. Lover Awakened by J. R. Ward (ebook) – new
13. Lover Revealed by J. R. Ward – new
14. Lover Unbound by J. R. Ward – new
15. Lover Enshrined by J. R. Ward – new
16. Lover Avenged by J. R. Ward – new

At this point in the year, I had to make myself stop reading Ward books and go on to something else for awhile.

17. Dead Reckoning by Charlaine Harris – TBR
18. Demon Marked by Meljean Brook – new
19. New York to Dallas by J. D. Robb – new
20. Heart of Steel by Meljean Brook – new
21. Lover Mine by J. R. Ward – TBR
22. Father Mine: Zsadist and Bella’s Story by J. R. Ward (ebook) – new

I suspect I’ve fallen back into the Ward obsession again here at the end of the year. *sigh*

Lately I’ve only been taking half-hour lunches at work because I need to get on the road home earlier than I used to. A half hour doesn’t seem sufficient to get any writing done once I’ve gone down to buy lunch and come back upstairs. But I’ve managed to squeeze in some “research reading,” which makes me feel as if I’m keeping my hand in as a writer. Between caregiving, a full time job, and exhaustion there is no other time slot for actual writing. I realize my research-reading-as-extension-of-writing is something of an illusion, but it’s been quite a creative illusion for all that.

Currently, I’m reading a fascinating book called Legends of the Fire Spirits: Jinn and Genies from Arabia to Zanzibar by Robert W. Lebling. It’s sparked all kinds of ideas. Curiously, most of them have been for existing stories rather than new ones, fleshing them out, solving plot issues, broadening character. None of these stories are about djinn, but the book brings up many wonderful cross-cultural themes. Anytime I read mythology of any sort it sparks loads of ideas for me, and the fact is, most Western mythology has roots in the Middle East. We share a profound cultural connection, an archetypal basis, with that part of the world, whether we care to acknowledge it or not.

This week the book sparked a ton of ideas for the Annia Sabina book I mentioned the other day. Last week it pumped out goodies for a novel I’ve been playing with for several years. Before that, I was reading The Spirit and the Flesh: Sexual Diversity in American Indian Culture by Walter L. Williams specifically to do research/get ideas for my historical fantasy, The Numberless Stars. That book did its job well and I got plenty of ideas. Before that, it was yet another something that had my mind clicking away at yet another novel.

Which is all well and very good, but it does mean I’m bouncing around a lot. That’s not an unfamiliar pattern for me when I’m between projects. I tend to bounce until something takes a firm hold and I commit a substantial amount of writing to the page. Then momentum takes over and I work through the idea, generally, until it’s finished.

But, as I said, I’ve got maybe a half-hour a day to dedicate to anything me-related, to my writing, and research reading, and cozening the muse. Unless I’m stealing time from something else I should be doing to do…this. Or something like it.

I’m itching to write. I have moments when I speak with such confidence about what the next project will be! But in truth, I’m bouncing. I may bounce until I splatter myself unless I can figure a way to steal or carve out what I need and still meet my honorable commitments.

Writing requires sacrifice. Art requires it. We’re always stealing from something else in order to do that thing which makes us feel whole. Generally from time with family and friends, from our social lives, etc. There is no easy way to do this and do it well. Even if you manage to achieve full-time artist/writer status, there will always be something you have to give up in order to do that which makes you feel whole. The question of what and how much is an individual thing. No one can make that decision for you, and sometimes the circumstances are very hard indeed.

For me, I can’t go forever with my creative channels choked off. Something has to give, but it’s impossible for me to say what at this point. In the meantime, I’ll continue to bounce and steal and hope that something anchors me before I splatter. Sometimes it’s as simple as saying, “Just do it, for God’s sake!”

Just do it. Sometimes it’s as simple and as hard as that.

Random quote of the day:

“A great friend of mine at the beginning of our friendship…said to me very defiantly, “I have to tell you that I loathe children’s books.” And I said to him, “Well, won’t you just read this just for my sake?” And he said grumpily, “Oh, very well, send it to me.” I did, and I got a letter back saying: “Why didn’t you tell me? Mary Poppins with her cool green core of sex has me enthralled forever.”

—P. L. Travers, interview, The Review, No. 86 (Winter 1982)

Disclaimer:  The views expressed in this random quote of the day do not necessarily reflect the views of the poster, her immediate family, Siegfried and Roy, Leonard Maltin, or the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. They do, however, sometimes reflect the views of the Cottingley Fairies.

Random quote of the day:

 

“In a sense, one can never read the book that the author originally wrote, and one can never read the same book twice.”

—Edmund Wilson, The Triple Thinkers

Disclaimer:  The views expressed in this random quote of the day do not necessarily reflect the views of the poster, her immediate family, Siegfried and Roy, Leonard Maltin, or the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. They do, however, sometimes reflect the views of the Cottingley Fairies.